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navigation pounds lost: 6.8 contact Last 5 rings
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2004-06-15 - 9:43 a.m. All right, diaryland, I get the message. But I’m still not buying a damn membership, so get off my ass already. I had another one of my marathon basketball games on Sunday. I was so damn tired by the time we finished. It was good exercise though, and it being hot out not only helped make me sweat like hell, but get a little color back into my skin, finally. Tay said something totally fucking rude to me when we were in a convenience store. He held up this tiny pair of sunglasses and said, “Here, if you put these on, you’ll look like Mimi from the Drew Carey show.” Okay, I was fucking appalled for several reasons. One, fine, I’m fat…but I’m not Mimi Bobeck fat (much as I love her). That’s like..hello, do you have fucking eyes? You’re a little chubby, asshole, should I call you the Notorious B.I.G.? Shit. But when he said it, it was like someone had kicked me straight in the gut. I pretended to laugh it off, when really I was just trying not to cry. I hate letting anyone see me cry, and I’ve honed my no-crying skills over the years. Not to mention I’ve lost 60 pounds and not ONE of my male friends has said a damn thing to me about it. Pretty much everyone else; family, my sister’s friends, relatives, etc. have all said I looked like I’d lost weight. I’m not really even giving a shit about the compliments, but it’s like…is it necessary to make fucking rude comments like that? How can anyone think that’s funny and playful and not outright offensive? Just leave me alone. A blind goat could see that I’ve lost weight, so at the very least you know I’m trying. So fuck off already. The funny thing is I was feeling a little better about myself. Not that I was ready to hit the catwalk, but maybe I wasn’t the most disgusting person on the planet. Someone’s always there to make sure and snuff out that little light of confidence, though. My legs were still sore from basketball yesterday, so I didn’t end up walking, but I think I will today. Also because I’m not sure I have the money to go to WW tonight, so there’s no excuse not to go exercise for a bit. It’ll probably help release some stress. Sometimes things like what Tay said motivate me to the extreme. I picture myself going on this awesome tirade at him and other assholes once I’m thinner, telling them how much their stupid bullshit hurt me, and what suite in fiery hell they can go to. Other times, it just makes me feel bad about myself and I can’t seem to shake it. I don’t know which one it is yet. |
