2005-06-20 - 1:34 p.m.
one more chance, I swear
I cannot believe how badly I’ve fucked this whole thing up. I think I must have been the most arrogant bastard alive to think I could continue to lose weight while fucking off at Weight Watchers, skipping exercise, and reuniting with all of my old bad habits, much like a crack addict re-discovering her pipe. Needless to say, the damage is done. It’s bad, but given the fact that I’d rather not burst into tears during the hours of 9-5, I’ll just go ahead and say that I’m a giant fat ass and I’m honestly surprised my pants fit. At least I haven’t changed sizes, I guess.
Sooz and I have decided to go back to journaling and doing all the little things that helped us before, because clearly freestyling isn’t working. I have a WW meeting tonight at 6:30pm. I’m not looking forward to it, but I do have a small sense of relief in going back. I obviously need it (that and therapy, but therapy isn’t $13 a week), so it’s an important step. Some days I wish I had a problem that was more chic, like an oxy or heroin addiction, because it feels just as fucking hard to overcome.
My basketball program starts up the second week of July, and I really need to lose about 10 pounds to be back on the right track. I think playing basketball in a league will really help, as it’s probably the only exercise that doesn’t bore the living shit out of me. Plus I have a wicked jump shot.
I swear on my DVD collection, today is the first step on the road away from Fatsville.
back/ /next
